All the useless mind troubling.

I don't think I really had the chance to give myself closure for all the things that happened to me. I wasn't really impressed with what I've done during the past year. I'm honestly so gutted with myself. I hate myself for what I've done. It was not the girl I know. It was just a disastrous cover-up who wanted to have some reckless fun. And that reckless fun was too much of an embarrassment that still haunt me each day, and remind me that I should be a better person this time. No more spaces for stupid mistakes. 

I give my mind all the useless troubling, and I constantly feed myself with my insensible insecurities. I could have been a happier person if only I knew how to give closure to myself. But I just couldn't. I couldn't forget and forgive. It's all too blurry for me. 


I want to forgive myself, but I don't think I'm worth forgiving. I sound neurotic. But really... If only I was a little wiser I wouldn't have ended up this miserable.


I feel a little detached, but I think it's the safest way. I don't want to be any nearer anymore. I don't want to commit stupidity even at the lowest costs. I don't want to look back and regret, something that became an everyday hobby of mine.

Is this even psychologically healthy? I think not. I am so angry. I am so frustrated I want to slam my laptop. But no. I need to live with this.

I did all these mistakes now I have to face them. I have to face the embarrassment I caused myself. I have been stupid, and I have to face the consequences it entails.