All the useless mind troubling.

I don't think I really had the chance to give myself closure for all the things that happened to me. I wasn't really impressed with what I've done during the past year. I'm honestly so gutted with myself. I hate myself for what I've done. It was not the girl I know. It was just a disastrous cover-up who wanted to have some reckless fun. And that reckless fun was too much of an embarrassment that still haunt me each day, and remind me that I should be a better person this time. No more spaces for stupid mistakes. 

I give my mind all the useless troubling, and I constantly feed myself with my insensible insecurities. I could have been a happier person if only I knew how to give closure to myself. But I just couldn't. I couldn't forget and forgive. It's all too blurry for me. 


I want to forgive myself, but I don't think I'm worth forgiving. I sound neurotic. But really... If only I was a little wiser I wouldn't have ended up this miserable.


I feel a little detached, but I think it's the safest way. I don't want to be any nearer anymore. I don't want to commit stupidity even at the lowest costs. I don't want to look back and regret, something that became an everyday hobby of mine.

Is this even psychologically healthy? I think not. I am so angry. I am so frustrated I want to slam my laptop. But no. I need to live with this.

I did all these mistakes now I have to face them. I have to face the embarrassment I caused myself. I have been stupid, and I have to face the consequences it entails.

It's all different now.

Yes, it all is.

I'm not the same girl I was before, and I don't know if that's a good thing.

I've been through different phases in life, and I've kind of got myself in silly little transitions.

It's all good in the hood.

I don't know if I like how I am right now. But, I know for sure, I like the comfort.

I like how I no longer need emotional dependence from anyone.

I don't have the need to share my stories and problems to anyone anymore. I like it. Because I honestly know no one (out of all the people I know in my life) is genuinely interested in my life. And all the stories I have to share.

I may be physically and socially present to everyone, but in all deep honestly, I'm perfectly emotionally absent. Weird, right? I don't find the need to emotionally connect with anyone anymore.

I feel I don't have a best friend anymore. It used to hurt and disturb me so much, but not anymore. Fine, I don't have anyone to share anything with.

After all, I have myself. I have my blog.

I feel so alone.

But it's not like I can do anything about it.